recently i was asked this question. Please write a few words of your personal story describing something of your own spiritual journey.

recently I have been reflecting on my attitude to work and how this has been influenced and shaped.

“One of the best reasons for being a Christian, as with a socialist, is that you don’t like to do any work.”(Terry Eagleton, Reason, Faith & revolution: Reflections on the God Debate. Yale, 2009)

Yet the understanding of work has been changed and taken beyond the way Jesus lived to become more in the image of Paul. I have respect for Paul he was a great organiser, preacher and worker. Yet I find I cannot square the accusations leveled against Jesus of being a glutton & being an layabout, and fraternising with low in society with a work ethic which seems to encourage a drive towards self improvement and a burgeoning middle class aspirationaism.

I believe there is nothing wrong with being middle class.
I believe there is nothing wrong with self improvement.
I believe there is nothing wrong with work.

However there does seem to be a disconnect between an example of the word becoming flesh, which took time to travel with people, and spent time with the people no one else would, and faith community which implicitly, and sometimes explicitly esteems high paid jobs, professionalism, and a ‘protestant’ work ethic.

I see the faith and beliefs I hold as something integral to me and as I reflect and think about who I am, and what that means for myself and how I act, I find more incongruence. As such I have decided to make a change, to live life differently to follow Christ and his example in a different way. And see how that goes.

So I have quit my job.

And work/ faith/life may never be the same again.

(NB On the notion of spiritual Journey, I find it unhelpful. I think that it can lead to a sort of spiritual tourism. I think our theology (belief/understanding of God) is very influenced by our place. Where we are, how we engage with the world and conversely how the world engages with us. Unhelpfully spiritual journey seems to transcend reality and condemn our life experience as a moot point, unless it can be spiritualised.)

Of course I could be wrong on this and reserve the right to be wrong!

(or How to change your life with a letter.)

MY life is changing for the better, of this I am sure. Yet i find it hard to adequately explain whats happening.

the headlines.
I have stopped working for The Salvation Army In Easterhouse.
I have accepted a part time position at Greyfriars Church in Lanark.
I am going to become a stay at home dad for my children.

Who?
me, scott paget I wrote a letter of resignation to The Salvation Army, Easterhouse.

What?
I am stopping work for the Salvation Army. This is good, and hopefully a good thing which will have a knock on effect to the work i can and will do, moving forward the future i hope i will have.

why?
Cause it will be fun.
Over the last few years, in discussions with my wife, I had said it would make sense for me to be the one who stayed at home. Money wise that made sense. But working worked for me. it forced me to interact. It gave me a sense of joy, something to do and do well. I wasn’t able to opt out of life. I have to be careful about who and what I am.

So when this wee job came up, i went for it. I got it and start soon.

When?
In about a weeks time.
About 4 months ago i discovered my boss, who had been joking about moving was actually moving. (we had suspected!)
Then 2 months ago I spoke at Third Sunday, the plan was to have a pretty straight church style service, but it was on one of the 10 commandments, “do not lie”. Sounds pretty straight forward right, do not lie. I couldn’t do it straight forward, How could I stand in front of a group of people I cared about and tell them not to lie when I do lie. As I thought about it I felt honesty would be best.
So I took it as a confessional/analysis talk, where i discussed and looked at why i and others lie. How we can change and the place of grace/Holy Living. It went well, I felt, it provoked questions in those that were there. Some people were complimentary and some wanted to chat further.

As a planning group we met to discuss what had happened and how people had felt about it. By the end of the meeting I was left doubting my approach, where I was and what I was doing even attempting to talk to others about this stuff.

It was clear I needed to review what I believed, why I believed it and what that meant for me as a worker. As a reflective practitioner i took this opportunity gratefully and used it as something helpful and useful. I went through that process I realised that working was a not something I wanted to continue. That changing my life would be beneficial for me, my family and for those I worked with.

How?
Stopping work will be hard, but will give me more time, and space to be, within the family, and myself.

As i write, I wish I had more answers, but I am in a place of reflection and change.
“Isn’t this the place we’re practicing belief
Seems we’re always looking at the door In hopes for so much more
And the stories in my pockets are the best I’ve ever lived”

so I am almost home,
I am excited about the possibilities it can hold.
I am excited about eh new job.
I am sad to leave somewhere i did a good job.
I am sad to leave something i had committed to.
I am hopeful & unsettled.

If you are passing, knock the door, or ring the bell.
It would be good to see you.

I wrote a letter…
It was accepted.

Changes.
They come in some unexpected places.

You came to take us
All things go, all things go
To recreate us
All things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
All things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
You had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
All things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

At school yesterday we were asked to imagine the following senario;
on a plane trip to austrailia the plane crashes. the pilot dies and the survivors as washed up on a desert island. from this we were asked to work out what the rules we would make the group live by would be.

I was working 1 to 1 with a young person who came up with three rules. I came up with seven others (I had a fair idea where the session was going), so here fro you i present our rules for a group of survivors lost on a desert island somewhere.

1 – No eating people
2 – No murder.
3 – Only talk about yourself in the third person
4 – create tribes
5 – rotating leadership structure
6 – share food
7 – compusary fitness classes
8 – no ugliness
9 – national dance to be performed everyday.
10 – you must keep the rules

If you would like to come and live on our desert islan I am selling tickets at £1000000000.99 per person, available from the usual outlets!

Several things have collided this weekend.

I doubt any of them make sense, in a joined up sense but in my brain somehow they make sense….
– Steve Jobs thoughts on using flash in iPhone, iPod and iPad.
– A small section in the Andrew Marr show (BBC Sunday mornings) on the relationship between MP’s and the electorate.
– The current tranche of press releases from The Church of Scotland on the future of the CofS
– and an ecumenical meeting of clergy with the local Community Planning Partnership.

Something has to change.
I was thinking this as I sat in a two hour meeting between staff and clergy, and local political instruments. In the meeting the head of the local Non-Government Independent Charities which are core funded by the Local Government, (do you see what they did there?), saw an impotent, poor excuse for a meeting. I found the whole thing disappointing.

on reflection a couple of things hit me.
- we had chosen to engage, but the relationship was not an even one. we were being regarded as useful information and propaganda sources, but not ‘partners’. The power relationship was skewed so far out of kilter
- secondly our engagement had been needy. As minorities within the relationship, we had gratefully taken everything we had been given with a respectful and humble attitude. (Just like Jesus?) My friend came up with the paraphrase of Jesus ‘Innocent as lambs, slippery as fuck.” In our meeting we had got the innocent bit right, but the slippery, well we were probably grippy rather than slippery.
- thirdly our engagement was uncreative,without focus or agenda, and chaired in a bizarrely partisan basis by the chair who was part of our group.

something needed to be changed. Yet I am unsure how to articulate the change which is necessary.

I dont think my experience of this is unique, but when i then read the mass of press releases coming out of the Church of Scotland in the run up to the general assembly I began to wonder about how universal these thoughts are.(CofS have been talking about money, how they do church, part time ministry, Gay clergy. Just about anything they can.)
As I have read things from press releases, quote for ministers, and leaks from reports, I got that feeling again. As a pew dweller I have no real power within the church. Everything is decided by committee, (the essence of Presbyterianism) at local, and national level. this give democratic authenticity to decisions but there seems to be a general unwillingness to change. My problem here is my understanding of any church as the only institution which exists primarily for the benefit of those outside it.
Engagement is on the established terms.
creativity is not a noted by product of any committee meeting of any sort.

something needed to be changed. Yet I am unsure how to articulate the change which is necessary. (I am unsure I have articulated the problem well!)

Some light as shed on this by the small section in the Andrew Marr programme, where they did a bit on the relationship between the MP’s and the electorate. its basic theory was that the electorate think of it as an upper class lower class relationship. (MPs upper class, electorate Lower class) yet politician after politician, in their memoirs and comment thought of it more as the relationship between the masters and servants, with Mp’s being as the servants.

I am unhappy leaving that expressed view unchallenged, but when you apply that thinking or position to the CCP or the CofS, the power dynamic changes, and the opportunity for change becomes something which can be worked towards. the problem then is how to make change happen and something creative for those involved.

Hence the inclusion of Steve Jobs open statement on the relationship between Apple and Adobe. It does several things very well. It outlines the problems, and outlines the future course of action which seems sensible given the argument simply put forward.
(You can read it here. Thoughts on Flash @ Apple.com
His comments are accurate, seem reasonably considered, yet clear and decisive action is called for. Change is advocated for.

My dominating thought though reading this was who is doing this for that meeting we had, who is doing this for the CofS assembly stuff i have been reading, (even who is doing this for the MP’s). something needed to be changed. It was articulated well the change which is necessary.

I wonder where else that is done?
I wonder where else that is done creatively?

My boss is moving to a new church. I will have a new boss.
His name is Roger.

Today is the day when my organisation reveals its plans for the next few year.
The Salvation Army has a process of ministers being moved regularly, as part of their ongoing work. This can be a good thing. This can be a bad thing. My thoughts are not about the rights or wrongs about the moving people around, my questions is around the process

I have seen it operate and been a part of it and I find it very curious.

At a basic level the Salvation Army as a hierarchical organisation, decides on high what will happen, and that is revealed at local level. my understanding of the process is…
- church council are asked about the possability of minsters moving. (october/november)
- there is a meeting of the regional managers (Divisional Commanders) where they decide who goes where (november)
- the people moving are informed they will be moving, but not where they are moving to or who will replace them. Those ministers are told not to discuss the move until the march letter.
- the people moving get a written confirmation of where they are going to. (march 11th)
- the list of moves is released to the public (march 12th).
- move happen july/august

The thing I find bizarre is the moves being decided in Novemeber, the people involved told about moving anytime up until and including on the morning of the letters. But there being s requirement of secrecy from minster to church, and from bosses to minister (not being told where your new job is). This process of letters and secrecy really something strange about an organisation who’s aim is to build community.

Community is build on openness and shared story, and a reality which is experienced together, (or something like that). Yet the people responsable for this community of faith insist that the community leaders are have a period of secrecy, from the community. Even worse the leaders have a sense of unease and uncomfortableness, as the leaders know something is going to happen, yet cannot discuss it. The church leadership are aware the minister might be moving from October, but cannot find out until the next march what’s happening. Without knowing where you are going it seems hard to deal with the process, and relax into the decision.

This comes to mind as today hundreds of people have got letters changing their lives, some for the better some for the worse. the good thing is the uncertainity is gone. the bad thing is the reality is revealed.

I hope it went well for you.

I went on a small training thing this morning. to fidn the way to the training room we had to pass by a sign which read.

“Potential Web Guru’s this way.”

I like signs like this. they give me joy. and thus God is also joyful.
(I wish i had taken a photo!)

During the training course it became clear to me that youthworkers are broadly similar in many respects.

the way YW’s try and deal with situations.
the areas YW’s choose to work in.
the young people YW’s work with.
the things that frustrate YW’s.

this really hit home in one exercise we did .
the first part created a continuum between the words ‘flight’ and ‘fight’
we were asked, ‘in relation to conflict, what is your initial response’
Accepting the flaws that the false dichotomy raises, I took part.

I stood close to the ‘flight’. my initial reaction is to avoid conflict, not to rush headline into or cause it knowingly, (there are exceptions…). I was quite far away from everyone. and quite noticeably not part of a group near the flight side, there was quite a group near the fight category though.

The second part of the exercise was similar but instead of a continuum the trainers set up a large triangle with the words ‘out and shout’ , ‘silent and hidden’ & ‘talk and sort’ at each point. “these are the tree responses to conflict. Thinking about your childhood what were you brought up with.”

This statement annoyed me. First the way the language is used in the three point statements is flaws the entire process and creates a ‘correct answer bias’. Secondly I am not sure that these are the main three ways to deal with conflict. But as I had decided not to overthink things, i tried to get over that. It was the subsequent questions of ‘ What approach do you use’ which was significant.

As there was a sudden rush to the ‘talk & sort’ sign. I didn’t rush. I went kind 50% on the line between ‘talk & sort’ and ‘hidden & silent’. Again I was on my own, nearest to the ‘hidden & silent’ sign and quite clearly out of the crowd.

The reality for me is that sometimes I need to be quiet and deal with things. Youthwork is build on communication and working together. Creating space for reflection, learning, growth and understanding within the relationship. To be me within that relationship I need to be me. ‘Talking and sort’ isn’t me.

So where does that lead me. It does confirm my suspicions that I am not the A-typical youthworker, but the conclusions to my thoughts aren’t fully formed, but I am theorising. I have some ideas but don’t quite know how they form together yet into a coherant thing.

As soon as I know…

Picture of behaviour I find Challenging

“there is no such thing as challenging behaviour, just actions, and how you respond to them.”

last week I ended up in Ayr for two days of training run by LEAP, organised by YouthLink Scotland and paid for by the Scottish Government.

The LEAP philosophy revolves around provoking personal reflection and change coming from yourself.so every discussion is very focused on the participant, their feelings, their reactions, their thoughts and their processes. as all you have the power to change is yourself. I did think about preforming the entire second day only speaking about myself in the Third person but decided that maybe not taking the process seriously!

some reflections

It was good to be able to take time and think about the work I do.
The course was entertaining with a good mix of theory and practical stuff to do.
My aims at the beginning of the course was to take time to think/reflect and to be challenged. I think i achieved this (This seemed to set me apart from everyone else who seemed to be asking for new techniques and solutions to problems.)
It was good to meet with different people who were prepared to work to be honest and open with each other.
It was good to be geographically somewhere new.
I quite enjoyed the role play stuff.

Several things occurred to me outwith these direct reflections. one thing was that i have been to training with a different organisation who work with LEAP, and their training course was an almost complete ‘lift’ from what LEAP did and do. this got me thinking about how fair a critique of youthwork being a profession which is happy with ‘simulacre’ was.   This copying is prevalent in some of the youthwork I hear about and see. Perhaps I am being judgemental because I am comfortable thinking about things,  writing my own material for everything, being creative with a topic, and trying to engage with people in new ways. not every worker can do this comfortably. ‘Simulacre’ seems to be growing though and everyone can be subject to it. I should point out I am unsure if this is the fault of the worker, the manger or the employing agency. (By ‘simulacre’ i mean copying without giving credit, or knowing who credit should go to.)

Youthworkers are remarkably similiar. (why?)

the way i choose to work with young people seems to be affirmed by being on this course. (I think…)

I need to think more….(hmmm. more later possibly?)

anyway all in all a good two days. nice people, good time to think, good to paddle in the sea,

Good to be