After chatting with my wife, we decided to see if we could get sky HD tv to our house. The man came and tried to give us Sky HD tv. (He really tried, if he cancels he doesn’t get paid for the time he was with us!) but eventually the trees beat us. Our trees are higher than our 3 floor house so we cannot get Sky HD tv.

So we need a solution.

We live in a valley surrounded by quite big hills so getting a TV signal is quite an issue, currently we cannot get BBC1 or 2 on digital, was can get a poor analogue signal but,
Virgin doesn’t cover our area,
BT Vision relies on a minimum broad band connection speed, (which we cannot vouch for),

there appears to be three main solutions
1 – we buy/rent the field next to us off the rich man and site a satellite dish there.
2 – we replace the entire existing Ariel system for the house
3 – we do away with broadcast media and rely solely on technology such as 4OD, BBC iplayer, STVplayer & OnDemand five.
ideally though any new system/solution would allow for accessibility cross a wireless network to varied different devices.

but we are open to hearing people’s experiences/thoughts?

any ideas? seriously answers on the back of an envelope!

had this song in my head for about a month now. it is gorgeousness. I wonder how/if it applies to where I am currently.

Like A Radio by Over The Rhine

confused
ever since i spied you in the rooms of my mind
now i can’t deny you

bleeding and bruised
like a vagabond in rags i’ve walked the streets to you door
to find just what’s in store

i see you
you and many others in your clean well-lighted place
where i would find disgrace

but i do
know i’d find contentment just to be your furniture
i need nothing more

in the thick of the night take me out of the cold
let me sing inside
like a radio
in the thick of the night before we grow too old
let me sing inside
like a radio

shivering and cold this night’s conducive to a
flight into my soul but i stand here
though my heart grows bold
once on the inside i can quietly persist
and hold my tears

and so still i wait
though i grow much weaker
i will not faint
i’ll stay true

believe me when i say
i’d climb to heaven
crawl beneath the lowest hell
to stay near you

Like A Radio by Over the Rhine,
lyrics and melody: Detweiler
music: Detweiler and Hordinski

Loved the full extract from “Marilynne Robinson: Can science solve life’s mysteries?” in saturdays Guardian. I love stuff like this.

(small quote)
It will be a great day in the history of science if we sometime discover a damp shadow elsewhere in the universe where a fungus has sprouted. The mere fossil trace of life in its simplest form would be the crowning achievement of generations of brilliant and diligent labour. And here we are, a gaudy efflorescence of consciousness, staggeringly improbable in light of everything we know about the reality that contains us. There are physicists and philosophers who would correct me. They would say, if there are an infinite number of universes, as in theory there could be, then creatures like us would be very likely to emerge at some time in one of them. But to say this is only to state the fact of our improbability in other terms.

::[[read the rest of it here]]::

the fact they are from Yale University’s Terry Lectures is even more exciting.
The Terry lectures are given by a world leading thinker into the topics of science and theology. You can find 2008′s terry lectures in itunesU from Terry Eagleton. and they are well worth finding and downloading as he speaks immense sense theologically.

Absence of Mind: The Dispelling of Inwardness from the Modern Myth of the Self (Terry Lectures) by M Robinson, 176pp, Yale,

No matter where I search, it seems the internet can never answer the question.

Several things have collided this weekend.

I doubt any of them make sense, in a joined up sense but in my brain somehow they make sense….
– Steve Jobs thoughts on using flash in iPhone, iPod and iPad.
– A small section in the Andrew Marr show (BBC Sunday mornings) on the relationship between MP’s and the electorate.
– The current tranche of press releases from The Church of Scotland on the future of the CofS
– and an ecumenical meeting of clergy with the local Community Planning Partnership.

Something has to change.
I was thinking this as I sat in a two hour meeting between staff and clergy, and local political instruments. In the meeting the head of the local Non-Government Independent Charities which are core funded by the Local Government, (do you see what they did there?), saw an impotent, poor excuse for a meeting. I found the whole thing disappointing.

on reflection a couple of things hit me.
- we had chosen to engage, but the relationship was not an even one. we were being regarded as useful information and propaganda sources, but not ‘partners’. The power relationship was skewed so far out of kilter
- secondly our engagement had been needy. As minorities within the relationship, we had gratefully taken everything we had been given with a respectful and humble attitude. (Just like Jesus?) My friend came up with the paraphrase of Jesus ‘Innocent as lambs, slippery as fuck.” In our meeting we had got the innocent bit right, but the slippery, well we were probably grippy rather than slippery.
- thirdly our engagement was uncreative,without focus or agenda, and chaired in a bizarrely partisan basis by the chair who was part of our group.

something needed to be changed. Yet I am unsure how to articulate the change which is necessary.

I dont think my experience of this is unique, but when i then read the mass of press releases coming out of the Church of Scotland in the run up to the general assembly I began to wonder about how universal these thoughts are.(CofS have been talking about money, how they do church, part time ministry, Gay clergy. Just about anything they can.)
As I have read things from press releases, quote for ministers, and leaks from reports, I got that feeling again. As a pew dweller I have no real power within the church. Everything is decided by committee, (the essence of Presbyterianism) at local, and national level. this give democratic authenticity to decisions but there seems to be a general unwillingness to change. My problem here is my understanding of any church as the only institution which exists primarily for the benefit of those outside it.
Engagement is on the established terms.
creativity is not a noted by product of any committee meeting of any sort.

something needed to be changed. Yet I am unsure how to articulate the change which is necessary. (I am unsure I have articulated the problem well!)

Some light as shed on this by the small section in the Andrew Marr programme, where they did a bit on the relationship between the MP’s and the electorate. its basic theory was that the electorate think of it as an upper class lower class relationship. (MPs upper class, electorate Lower class) yet politician after politician, in their memoirs and comment thought of it more as the relationship between the masters and servants, with Mp’s being as the servants.

I am unhappy leaving that expressed view unchallenged, but when you apply that thinking or position to the CCP or the CofS, the power dynamic changes, and the opportunity for change becomes something which can be worked towards. the problem then is how to make change happen and something creative for those involved.

Hence the inclusion of Steve Jobs open statement on the relationship between Apple and Adobe. It does several things very well. It outlines the problems, and outlines the future course of action which seems sensible given the argument simply put forward.
(You can read it here. Thoughts on Flash @ Apple.com
His comments are accurate, seem reasonably considered, yet clear and decisive action is called for. Change is advocated for.

My dominating thought though reading this was who is doing this for that meeting we had, who is doing this for the CofS assembly stuff i have been reading, (even who is doing this for the MP’s). something needed to be changed. It was articulated well the change which is necessary.

I wonder where else that is done?
I wonder where else that is done creatively?

a brief list of some things I am working on (which will never be completed)

1 – writing a book.
2 – writing a panto.
3 – learning to use Drupal.
4 – redesigning my website
5 – possibilities for future Professional Development
6 – listening to Opera
7 – finishing a book (reading 4 currently), before I buy another one.

During the training course it became clear to me that youthworkers are broadly similar in many respects.

the way YW’s try and deal with situations.
the areas YW’s choose to work in.
the young people YW’s work with.
the things that frustrate YW’s.

this really hit home in one exercise we did .
the first part created a continuum between the words ‘flight’ and ‘fight’
we were asked, ‘in relation to conflict, what is your initial response’
Accepting the flaws that the false dichotomy raises, I took part.

I stood close to the ‘flight’. my initial reaction is to avoid conflict, not to rush headline into or cause it knowingly, (there are exceptions…). I was quite far away from everyone. and quite noticeably not part of a group near the flight side, there was quite a group near the fight category though.

The second part of the exercise was similar but instead of a continuum the trainers set up a large triangle with the words ‘out and shout’ , ‘silent and hidden’ & ‘talk and sort’ at each point. “these are the tree responses to conflict. Thinking about your childhood what were you brought up with.”

This statement annoyed me. First the way the language is used in the three point statements is flaws the entire process and creates a ‘correct answer bias’. Secondly I am not sure that these are the main three ways to deal with conflict. But as I had decided not to overthink things, i tried to get over that. It was the subsequent questions of ‘ What approach do you use’ which was significant.

As there was a sudden rush to the ‘talk & sort’ sign. I didn’t rush. I went kind 50% on the line between ‘talk & sort’ and ‘hidden & silent’. Again I was on my own, nearest to the ‘hidden & silent’ sign and quite clearly out of the crowd.

The reality for me is that sometimes I need to be quiet and deal with things. Youthwork is build on communication and working together. Creating space for reflection, learning, growth and understanding within the relationship. To be me within that relationship I need to be me. ‘Talking and sort’ isn’t me.

So where does that lead me. It does confirm my suspicions that I am not the A-typical youthworker, but the conclusions to my thoughts aren’t fully formed, but I am theorising. I have some ideas but don’t quite know how they form together yet into a coherant thing.

As soon as I know…

Picture of behaviour I find Challenging

“there is no such thing as challenging behaviour, just actions, and how you respond to them.”

last week I ended up in Ayr for two days of training run by LEAP, organised by YouthLink Scotland and paid for by the Scottish Government.

The LEAP philosophy revolves around provoking personal reflection and change coming from yourself.so every discussion is very focused on the participant, their feelings, their reactions, their thoughts and their processes. as all you have the power to change is yourself. I did think about preforming the entire second day only speaking about myself in the Third person but decided that maybe not taking the process seriously!

some reflections

It was good to be able to take time and think about the work I do.
The course was entertaining with a good mix of theory and practical stuff to do.
My aims at the beginning of the course was to take time to think/reflect and to be challenged. I think i achieved this (This seemed to set me apart from everyone else who seemed to be asking for new techniques and solutions to problems.)
It was good to meet with different people who were prepared to work to be honest and open with each other.
It was good to be geographically somewhere new.
I quite enjoyed the role play stuff.

Several things occurred to me outwith these direct reflections. one thing was that i have been to training with a different organisation who work with LEAP, and their training course was an almost complete ‘lift’ from what LEAP did and do. this got me thinking about how fair a critique of youthwork being a profession which is happy with ‘simulacre’ was.   This copying is prevalent in some of the youthwork I hear about and see. Perhaps I am being judgemental because I am comfortable thinking about things,  writing my own material for everything, being creative with a topic, and trying to engage with people in new ways. not every worker can do this comfortably. ‘Simulacre’ seems to be growing though and everyone can be subject to it. I should point out I am unsure if this is the fault of the worker, the manger or the employing agency. (By ‘simulacre’ i mean copying without giving credit, or knowing who credit should go to.)

Youthworkers are remarkably similiar. (why?)

the way i choose to work with young people seems to be affirmed by being on this course. (I think…)

I need to think more….(hmmm. more later possibly?)

anyway all in all a good two days. nice people, good time to think, good to paddle in the sea,

Good to be

Why do people go to meetings when they don’t want to or need to?

I was at a meeting today and I didn’t really fell a part or i had much to contribute to the meeting. so i listened followed the conversation and asked questions when I didn’t understand or something was unclear. I had read the minutes of the previous meeting and the agenda for the one coming up. My one bad habit in meetings is regularly checking my phone/twitter. but when I say often maybe once in a 2hour meeting. (yes thats once too often but still.)

I don’t really see this stuff as rocket science.

Yet I have meetings with people who in a group setting cannot have a meeting. it ranges form playing on phones, not contributing when asked, not preparing anything, watching off topic youtube videos during meetings, to actively having conversations on the other side of the table.

If you don’t want to be at a meeting don’t go

But in meetings sometimes i can be like that Often in meetings I will take notes on my phone. it is handy as it allows for syncing later or I can e-mail my notes to myself. I wonder if people assume I an just playing games/surfing internet/etc on my phone? sometimes i will be

Should I get annoyed at someone doing what i sometimes choose to do?
what if at every other meeting i am the annoying one.

wondering….

just testing